"WE ARE IN FULL CONTROL" (not!)

Cometh the Hour, Cometh the Man, Here Comes Comical Ali!

This hapless half wit has unwittingly become the laughing stock of the world. With a subtly of a sledge hammer he delivers his prose in manner akin to a circus ringleader.

Daily, journalists from all corners of the globe were struggling to control themselves laughing whilst this clown delivered his verbal dross unaware that he himself has become the fastest comedy act in history.

Pity that he is no more. But if he was, he would have been very likely to say the following:

Probable Quotes
“We have successfully shot down 3 American satellites today and the cruise missile of the infidel has now been rendered useless. This is a great victory for the people of Iraq! See you hear noise anymore, huh?”

When a journalist asked him to expand and further penetrate about his statement yesterday “We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked”, his response:

“I beg you pardon! How dare you, I’m a married man, get out!”

“Looting, what looting? No, No, the Iraqi public have been instructed to take all national treasures for temporary safe keeping from the infidels and given to the republican guard where they will be all bar coded and logged on our sophisticated database and put in a secure lock up where the American doesn’t know, You understand?”


“All nonsense…It is Bush who kills his people not us!, you know that! He kill Tupac and he kill Biggy and what him name um, um, yes! John Kennedy”

“The American will surrender. In hundreds! You see with my hand gestures I am transmitting sublimal messages, this will slowly penetrate the mind of the infidel”

“We have intelligence on Blair, he was a ballet dancer and child molester, you know that?”


Asked by a curious journalist where these baseless allegations surface from, his response:

“What, what you mean! I am working 24 hours a day with my aides. I drink herbal tea and eat this special cake which give me energy to work all day and night.I do 300 sit ups.I am right, always!, my judgement, faultless!”

When asked about the surrender of Iraqi solders, response:

“What, never!, ah you see it is a very clever plan, the Americans use pencil bombs, these white flags contain very sophisticated satellite tracking device, so we can track were the infidel is and plan accordingly, it is intention, you know that?”

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comicalali@dazedandconfused.com